I want to be a loser

The Beatles - I'm a loser

In the coming year, I want to be a loser.  Yes, I really meant it.  Wait a minute - it’s nothing negative, perverted or retarded.  Alternatively, it is quite positive and healthy.

I want to be a loser, a loser of pounds and calories.

I want to be a loser, a loser of cholesterol and glycogen.

I want to be a loser, a loser of eczema, lentigo and urticaria.

I want to be a loser, a loser of dyspepsia, gastroesophageal reflux and constipation.

I want to be a loser, a loser of adiposity and sebum.

I want to be a loser, a loser of amnesia and negativity.

I want to be a loser, a loser of any kind of disorder and pathogens.

I want to be a loser, a loser of solipsistism and opsimathy.

Go directly to Part 2

I want to become the biggest loser.  

治老花眼

是保險經紀轉發給我的。就算治不好，也飲不壞吧。大家不妨試試。

轉死性

我的病人早餐

對通粉無好感；特別係有雜豆嗰隻。其實最初我同通粉係好好感情，但自從成長後，食極都食唔翻細個嗰時，媽咪帶我去茶餐廳食嗰種高湯火腿通粉味，我就索性移情別戀。戀過的有和味沙爹牛肉出前一丁、五香肉丁銀絲米粉，或者係戇戇居居鮑魚絲暨金華火腿絲蝦子麵。另一個與通粉交惡的原因，係因為每次孩子生病時，老馮係食A餐：火腿通粉、B餐：瑤柱白粥、C餐：無味麥皮；所以食通粉，有種唔老黎兼局食的感覺。

今日車了小朋友上學，突然好想食通粉病人餐，仲係有雜豆嗰隻。仲要隆而重之，為了通粉做了鹽焗雞槌，加翻杯加大碼熱朱古力；你話係唔係好邪呢﹗更邪就係，除了生病外，從來不會午睡及補眠的我，今日竟然好想眠一眠喎﹗我估我係有病囉﹗

我愛屎撈人

我思疑這是互聯網上最臭的blog，我亦思疑我是互聯網史上最「屎」的blogger。慎閱…….

獨眼金魚

老友在「臉書」中曬他的魚缸、熱帶魚、燈魚、工作魚、蝦、螺、美人魚、蚌精及蟹粉 ……，我的大腦神經，强迫性地將我的思緒，漫遊至那屎渠裏的一條垂死的獨眼金魚。根據屎撈人所講，「人們總把廁所當作小龜小魚的墳場，經常將死去的金魚沖進屎渠裏去。」善良的屎撈人知道，任由金魚浸在尿裏還是活不成，於是就把金魚帶回住所，始終仍是有人用淡水沖廁的。屎撈人就利用垃圾，給金魚砌了個小水缸，而漏水的地方，屎撈人就塗上了屎醬。勞心勞力的屎撈人，在水缸裏放了消化剩的食物，一些寄生蟲，還找來一些蜆和花螺來扮貝殼裝飾水缸，我的老花眼看來，屎撈人的魚缸，真的有點像老友的魚缸呢﹗第七日，獨眼金魚終於死了，屎撈人就把牠埋在屎坑裏；但屎撈人遺憾沒有問牠的名字。

美麗屎世界

在屎撈人的眼中，那是一個美麗的屎世界  –  那裏沒分大小，沒分顔色，沒分軟硬。

公仔麵與Bungie Jump

今天吃早飯 (出前一丁但統稱公仔麵)，只有兩個真細路和我這個超齡假細路。每次吃完公仔麵收拾時，真細路會將吃剩的味精湯及少許公仔麵沖入廁所內。趁今天無真大人在場，趕緊說了屎撈人在屎坑用方便麵跳Bungie Jump的故事。屎的世界除了臭味外，還是充滿著動盪的歡娛吧﹗

「爛屎也尚且偷生」，尋夢？

最難忘的要算是「屎鈎船長」的那個屎屍式故事。「屎鈎船長」是一條經常發夢的屎。實情是船長從未出過海，但他的夢想就是要離開屎坑，渡過大海，找到一片陸地，一片有陽光、有草、有花的陸地。夢想著在陽光下，在春雨間，化成花肥，泌入花莖，化作花香……。每次聽到別人說夢想時，我耳邊 (雖然經常性失靈) 就會響起「屎鈎船長」的話：「我會回來，並告訴你們，花的香味……」

永結同屎

在屎的世界裏，婚姻儀式有兩種。

辦法一：較靈活，將兩條屎打結綁在一起。離婚時，只要解開屎結就可各行屎路。

辦法二：較傳統，還有點痛；就是將兩條相愛的屎尾搞碎，溶合再急凍，兩條屎就從此結合一起。如真的不幸要分開，會很痛，還會有分屎不均的情況出現，弄不好還要告上屎法庭。

歡迎臭味相投的你，來到屎的世界。

交換禮物

聖誕節交換禮物，是我們「小圈子」慶祝聖誕節的「潛規則」；一個由「那些年」一直維持至「這些年」的傳統。今早看電郵，見到老友提議老友，今年的禮物主題是「實用+搞笑+那些年」。

交換禮物本身就好有「那些年」情懷了，而在節日內，能夠跟朋友聚一聚，本身就是值得歡笑的事來。以我多年的觀察，實用不實用，從來都不是重點。最有談論價值、最有觀賞價值、最令人歡樂的禮物，始終都是搞笑的點子。

老友，在你記憶之中，收到最搞笑的禮物是甚麼呢？  

EX-MAS vs XMAS

Have you ever wondered why ‘Xmas’ is used instead of ‘Christmas’?  I have: Is it to dilute Christianity by using Xmas instead of Christmas, or rather, to convert Christmas into a secular day?  Perhaps it was to promote the commercialism of the holiday season. Also, should it be pronounced “ex-mas” or “Christmas”?  Prior to the weeks of Advent, it’s just the right time for me to learn about it today.

Its origin is thoroughly rooted in the heritage of the Church.  It is simply another way to say Christmas, In fact, as with other abbreviations used in common speech or writing (such as Mr. or etc.), the abbreviation "Xmas" should be pronounced "Christmas" just as if the word were written out in full, rather than saying "ex-mas." (Hahaha, I always make this mistake, so dumb!!!) 

The spelling of ‘Christmas’ as ‘Xmas’ actually comes from an ancient Greek practice - in the Greek language, the letter ‘x’ – shi – was the initial letter of Xristos, meaning Christ.  Early scribes were busy people and parchment was costly.  They often shortened words to save time and money, and that is how they came to use just the letter X.

‘Xmas’ was retained even when these practical considerations no longer applied.  Not only had it become traditional, but people believed, wrongly, that the ‘X’ represented St Andrew’s cross.  An even more significant reason, perhaps, was that Jesus Christ’s name was regarded as too sacred to be written in full.

Merry Xmas !

這麼遠，那麼近

這麼遠，那麼近

自從成為Netizen後，在網絡的國度內，無論你肉身所處何地，你跟其他Netizen可以超越界限，隨時隨地聯繫起來。有愛的全天候吹水團；看似遠，但卻又那麼近。

這麼近，那麼遠

自從成為Netizen後，在網絡的國度內，無論你同處一室或同枱食飯，你跟其他本應沒有界限的人，可能只會通過短訊、電郵、MSN、臉書、暴推才能聯繫起來。觸手可及的人，卻要tweet來tweet去；看似近，但卻又那麼遠。

這麼遠，那麼近

自從認識你後，無論我所處何時何地，無論我有多錯、有多壞，你都會寬恕我、守護我。我觸不到你，但我感受到你。當我徘徊在罪惡中，你竟回贈我大愛；你的懷抱看似遠，但卻又那麼近。

這個太太不太懶: 我的健康週記 – Brew, Steep, Sip & Sleep

這個太太不太懶: 我的健康週記 – Brew, Steep, Sip & Sleep: To all my sleep-deprived friends who struggle for a few hours of slumber every night : To enhance your snooze time, you may try to have ...

我的健康週記 – Brew, Steep, Sip & Sleep

To all my sleep-deprived friends who struggle for a few hours of slumber every night :

To enhance your snooze time, you may try to have a cup of decaffeinated tea.  Not only is tea delicious, but making a mug of tea at night regularly may help you unwind.  Some teas like ginger and camomile are believed to be soothing and relaxing.  Brewing, steeping and sipping your tea (non-caffeinated tea) can be part of your tranquilizing and wholesome pre-bed wont. 

我痴固我在

我們青春不再，但白痴仍在；又如何？

我們跳脫不再，但傻勁仍在；又如何？

我們白滑不再，但幼稚仍在；又如何？

管他甚麼傳說中☆‚ð的世顧、成熟、顧慮，我只知道「我痴固我在」…….

白痴 ing......

Bad Day

Bad Day

I remember when my blue skies faded to grey, I listened to “Bad Day”.

I remember when my life’s been way off line, I sang a sad song. 

I do not know whether I had turned around the bad day by listening to “Bad Day”, but I know every day is a new day, and there is sunshine ahead.

I'm yours - another song to turn bad mood around.

Our time is short, so don't waste the time to complicate.

那些年，我們一起追的女孩

追過的女孩的老公

尚未看「那些年....」這部戲，只想口痕提出一個懸念：如果你是沈佳宜的老公，你聽罷、看罷九把刀這感動全球，以你老婆大人為女神藍本的追女失敗紀念作，你會有甚麼感想呢？你會沾沾自喜？你會加倍愛護佳宜？你會有壓力嗎？你會好奇地跟佳宜一起去懷緬一下嗎？或者根本沒有感覺呢？

其實錯失就是錯失，任何賽後檢討都是多餘。就算是百萬人追捧及感動的愛情，那又能有甚麼改變呢？如果經不起群眾壓力的愛情，那又算得上甚麼珍貴呢？就算當初兩人沒有錯過對方，今天又是否有美滿的結局呢？

一起追的女孩

其實我有個很變態的念頭；就是會不會有人發動「尋找沈佳宜大行動」。我講的應該係好似網絡自發「狗仔隊」那隻：爆相、爆言行、爆行踪、爆近況、「點相」(沈佳宜老公)......我估世人應該無我咁賤啩﹗其實陰謀論的我有想過，九把刀寫這本書的原意不錯是為了沈佳宜；說白一點是要報復沈佳宜﹗用你的原名來說故事，真的不是一般的抽，很夠嗆吧﹗

一人有一個沈佳宜

這個答案無須跟我說.......

只知道在我們經歷過的青春，那些曖昧慒懂的歲月，每個人心目都可能有些不能宣之於口的遺憾。人帶有遺憾，遇到有共鳴的好文章、好歌、好戲；腦海中會自動回帶記憶聯想起昔日的種種，連串的懷念和思憶，懊惱著當日為甚麼沒有勇敢說出口、為甚麼會放棄、為甚麼......

曾經有遺憾的人生，才算是人生

會痛，但會帶甜

會哭，但帶感恩

不甘，只因曾經幼稚，不懂珍惜。

不知多少人在年少時，經歷過這種曖昧的愛情？出現在眼前時總是不以為然，不會珍惜，但當失去的時候才後悔著。

那些年

我未有機會看過這部戲，聽到戲名好有喜感；聯想到是：一起吹過的水、一起溝過的仔、一起追過的星、一起走過的堂咁...........。

當然，我們沒有一起追過女仔或男仔, 可以回憶的尚有 "那些年" 吧。 那些青蔥歲月、那些無憂但强說愁的日子.....那些幼稚但歡樂的想法.....。

我的健康週記 - Emotional Eater

I believe I am not the only emotional eater amongst my peers.  Sometimes, we dive into a pint of ice cream, a jumbo pack of chips or a box of chocolates when we are stressed, upset or even happy.  We can easily recall how we turn to food to ease emotion or celebrate; when we feel happy, sad, anxious, or excited, despite not being hungry at all.  All the foods we turn to are usually comfort foods that are high in calories and fat and low in nutrients, like ice cream, chocolates, soft drinks, and chips.

Emotional eating is nothing to be ashamed of, but if you let yourself to eat emotionally on a regular basis, it can become harder to follow a healthy diet and maintain a healthy weight.  That’s not what we want.  We just need another outlet for our emotions so we don’t continue to rely on food to calm down or help ourselves feel better.  One of the best ways to do this is to keep a journal.  To seek emotional release for the challenges you are struggling, you can simply write down what’s going on, so you don’t need food for comfort.  Take some time to think about exactly what you’re feeling, and choose the right words, so they truly epitomize your emotions.  You can put them down on your fancy diary or in your blog; both works.  You’ll come to love writing in your journal and have it as a fairy godmother.    

這個太太不太懶: Nobody’s perfect

這個太太不太懶: Nobody’s perfect: Nobody's perfect, and who is ? My friend recounted to me a personal comment from somebody that he is “90% good man” and “10% bad man”. Oh...

Nobody’s perfect

Nobody's perfect, and who is ?

My friend recounted to me a personal comment from somebody that he is “90% good man” and “10% bad man”.  Oh come on, 90% is already “A” and you are even better than me : I am “89% good mom” and “11% good wife.”  By the way, how perfect is that marker ?  …. “I know I’m not perfect, but at the end of the day who is ?”

Bruno Mars - Who is

All I Was Perfect For The Circus
If She Dared I'd Do It
Love Makes You Stupid
I Gave It up
But I Guess It Was Not Enough
Cause She Never Seemed Satisfied

Oooh I Know I'm Not Perfect
But At The End Of The Day Who Is Oooh
She Wanted Someone that's Perfect Ok
But Can You Tell Me Who Is?

Ooooh Oooh Ooh
Ooooh Oooh Ooh

She Set The Bar Just Above The Stars
A Rocket Couldnt Reach It But I Still Kept On Reaching
She Watched Me Try Atleast A Thousand Times
If She Loved Me She'd Stopped Me But Nooo
Oooh

Oooh I Know I'm Not Perfect
But At The End Of The Day Who Is Oooh
She Wanted Someone that's Perfect Ok
But Can You Tell Me Who Is?

I Saw Something Worth My Future
So Right So Wrong
In My Mind I Would Tolerate It But I Guess I Was Wrong?

Oooh I Know I'm Not Perfect
But At The End Of The Day Who Is Oooh
She Wanted Someone that's Perfect Ok
But Can You Tell Me Who Is?

Ooooh Oooh Ooh
Ooooh Oooh Ooh

任督二脉

也許

也許，我們無法逃避牢籠的魔咒。

也許，我們無法跨越失落的片段。

也許，我們無法進入頓悟的福地。

也許，我們無法擺平擱淺的張力。

也許，我們無法驅走臭美的偏執。

但是，謝謝你讓我掉進那安全網。

但是，謝謝你讓我品嚐活水恩泉。

但是，謝謝你讓我領受滿溢福份。

但是，謝謝你讓我發盡美滿好夢。

但是，謝謝你讓我心田開滿鮮花。

謝謝，打通我心靈中的任督二脉。